by Slak CLE Trainer Sophia Kopasakis
Friendships and connections with others is an important part of the human experience. In order to live a healthy and balanced life, people need to have healthy and stable friendships. There are certain friends that one would hold closest to their heart, such as friends that are always there for you through thick and through thin. A person you can count on for literally almost anything. These are people that most people call their “Best Friend”. However, many of us can flashback to certain experiences where our deep, strong, and perceptively unbreakable bond with a best friend of ours has been totally shattered. What we thought was an unbreakable bond turned out to be a very unstable and weak bond. One gets totally side blinded by this kind of event. Thoughts come up such as “I cannot believe he/she did that!” or “I’m just sick of this kind of behavior and I’m done!”.
When these scenarios arise, I invite you to sit back and look at the other events that happened during this specific friendship break-up. What exactly is going on in your life around you? One has to understand that everything they experience is connected. During these times, it can feel like chaos is happening at all angles of life. Did you also get fired from your job? Did you or a loved one just get diagnosed with a deadly or chronic illness? Or the complete reverse can happen. Maybe you are experiencing greatly positive things; scenarios that are sky rocketing you towards high levels of success. Maybe new doors or opening for you, leading you to places that will grant you amazing opportunities. If you are experiencing either immensely positive situations or immensely negative situations during a friend break-up, then it is a likely chance that you are entering a transformational stage in your growth process.
Yes, no matter how old you are, you are always growing, because if you’re not growing, you’re dying. However, through the growth process of life, there are ends and beginnings in specific time periods. These are the transformational processes within the growth process. You are turning into a new person whether you want to or not. Unfortunately, a big sign (but not always the case) of these major transformational stages is losing certain friendships. During a friend break-up with a best friend, you can also be losing friendship connections with a whole group of friends. This can force you to be plummeted into a deep pit of loneliness and uncertainty. This isn’t always the case, but it can happen with many people. Losing an entire friend group can feel like a serious kick in the gut. One needs to understand that this is necessary.
Look back at these friendships and really think about the role that these connections played in your life. Were your friends making a positive impact in your life? Or where they holding you back from achieving high levels of success and happiness? If you answered “no” to the first question and “yes” to the second one, then you have outgrown the people you were hanging out with. Wasting precious time and energy on people who were weighing you down will stop you from achieving your goals and dreams. It is the sad truth, but it is gravely true. When we have deep friendships with people who are holding us back in life and weighing us down, sometimes a major drama may erupt to sever this connection. It can be intensely stressful, but if you are called to live a better life, then it will happen eventually.
However, if you’re having a friend break-up with someone that did have a positive impact in your life and supported you in every way possible, then you are being called to look within yourself. This is a sign that there is some sort of negative pattern system within you that is holding you and your friend back. It can be a sign that you were depending on your friend for too many things. They cared and loved for you but you didn’t have the space within your heart to reciprocate that love. This is the time to clean up your heart. Look at the trauma’s within and figure out why these negative patterns even developed within you in the first place. Do not be afraid of the internal journey that is calling. Also, try to eliminate shame and self-blame. Yes, acknowledge what you did wrong, but don’t continue labeling yourself as a bad person. You will never be able to continue growing if you decide that you’re an evil human being.
Although necessary, these situations can be painful. Let the pain be your teacher and show you the way. Whatever you do, do not avoid the pain, let yourself really feel it. Also, this friend break-up may not be forever. It is often that after a certain period of time, friends come back into each other’s lives when they are healed, leveled up, and ready for each other again. Whatever happens, accept that this is part of your own personal growth journey towards success and happiness. If you believe that you will always be okay, then it will all work out for you in the end.